Past. Present. Future.

It's interesting, really... How you can completely forget and disregard one's existence, not thinking of them for years, and one day, out of the blue, they somehow slyly creep their way back into your thoughts. You can't seem to shake them off your mind, no matter how hard you try to rid them from your memory. Next thing you know, that person and their meaningless existence- or so you thought- is the only thing you can seem to focus your thoughts on. Even in your rest you can't escape them- they've been haunting your dreams. They are now who and what you dream about every night; they have become the vital and essential thoughts you now thrive on to get through everyday. You feel that slight flutter of your heart as their face flashes across your vision, as their voice rings in your ears, as their being runs through your mind. All because of some small little incident or picture or object that triggered your memory.

You can't help but wonder if- oh how cruel that word, IF- they have thought about you too. If they ever have random thoughts and dreams and musings of your existence as well. Do they ever wonder how you're doing? Do they ever feel the desire to speak to you again? Do they- DID they- ever have the feelings towards you that you so strongly felt towar

ds them? I's almost maddening, all these thoughts possessing your mind. If only you could JUST KNOW.

You begin to wander, going to those once forbidden places, in hopes of- PRAYING- that they'll be there, and your eyes can lay upon that oh so insignificant person you've always told yourself repeatedly they were. Just so you can see them one more time. It becomes an everchanging daydream that you play over and over again in your mind. All you want is one chance meeting. You want to see them one last time, desperately hoping for that one last chance to resolve everything and finally receive some form of closure so as to make sure they never plague your thoughts again. There are so many questions you want to ask. There are so many questions you want answered. So many things that you want explained and to explain. There are two sides to the story, all you wish is that you could tell them yours. Just so they KNOW. You want to talk it all out so you're no longer left wondering. All you want is that one opportunity to end it all.

You thought this wound had been healed, but there it is- reopened. Maybe it had never been completely healed in the first place. Bitterness begins to consume every other emotion, thought, and feeling. you dwell on that act of betrayal that took them away from you forever- that act of betrayal you had tried so very hard to be rid of. But it hasn't been forgotten. Anger and resent build.

In the past, after everything had happened that separated the two of you, you made yourself busy. You tried to keep your mind off of everything. You would do as much as possible at school, work as much as you legally were able to, immediately started dating when the opportune person came along, anything and everything to keep your mind off of them. Only now can you see that you were trying to heal yourself the only way you knew how- by not giving yourself time to heal. You fooled yourself, thinking that now it's all over, you don't have to worry about it now. It's too far in the past to try to worry about it now. Alas, you are mistaken. It's finally caught up with you. You're no longer emotionally obligated to anyone, you have a break from school, and work seems to not take up as much of your thoughts as you'd like. Now you are able to let these thoughts consume your mind. You're finally grieving. You're finally mourning over the loss and heartbreak. You have time to ponder and dwell on the situation. And as much as you wanted all of this to be over, it's just the beginning. You'll get over them eventually, you think to yourself. Someday, in the future, they won't matter. But this is here. This is now. You are living in the present, not the future. And right here, right now, in the present, you're nothing but an emotional wreck who can't stop thinking about someone who honestly, more than likely, give two shits and a piss about you.

You wonder, "Why in the world can I not seem to get my head around this? Why can't I just let it go?" It dawns on you- this is what has been weighing you down all this time. It suddenly becomes clear; You realize their existence had never been forgotten in the first place. Deep down, they had always been a memory- unconsiously thought about daily. They've always been there in the back of your mind. Only now are you willing to acknowledge it- and accept it. It's become a burden, the thought and memory of someone who once- and still does- meant the world and more to you.

Hopefully fate will have it, and you will become remedied of this disease for eternity. Until then, all you can do is mourn, grieve, and heal. Someone will come along that you will love, and they shall reciprocate the feeling. You want it now. But you have to be patient. It may take more time to heal than you had anticipated, but someday, you think to yourself, you will be rid of all of this, and you can hold your head high once more.

I at least find it interesting.