Tis the Season.

I looked down at her left hand, as a glimmer of light caught my eye. I gingerly took her hand and admired the ring on her finger. "Are YOU engaged?" She laughed, and then told me the story of how her and her fiance met. I hadn't seen or spoken to Shannon St. Claire for years, and yet we spoke as if we had always been the best of friends and met on a daily basis. It was nice to catch up on everything. I could see the sparkle in her eye and hear the excitement in her voice. "The wedding's in June, at the Brown Hotel!" I congratulated her and embraced her with a large hug. The conversation led into how everyone is getting married this time of year ("Tis the season!" she chipped in)- I've been to three wedding receptions with in the past two weeks, my sister is engaged, another sister is well on her way, a friend of mine is engaged, and everyone else and my aunt seem to be flaunting a ring on her finger and a man by her side. Just another reminder of how lonely I am, or at least how lonely I've become.

I returned home from work, exhausted. Holiday shoppers don't seem to understand the toll they take on retail employees. I felt dirty, I had so much that needed to be done, yet I was unable to muster any energy to complete these tedious tasks that lay ahead of me. I decided that I may as well spend a bit of time on the computer, just to catch up on what I had missed. My facebook home page hadn't even been loaded for ten seconds when my eyes fell upon this:

Travis Schneider My best friend is getting married in two days.. WOW! How the years keep flying. Congrats Johnathon and Erin, I hope the best for you. I love you guys! 15 seconds ago

I stared in disbelief at the screen, speechless, breathless, my mind clouded with all thoughts of sorts. After what seemed like hours of staring, I closed the computer, got up, and walked to the bathroom. I need to get myself clean. I stepped into the shower, turned on the water, and fell to the porcelain floor of the tub, curled up, tears streaming down my face, trying to catch my breath, while the scalding water beat on my back. I wasn't trying to get myself clean. I was attempting to wash him away.

We ended not even four months ago, and now he's getting married in two days, and didn't even have the decency to tell me. I guess it really is the season of marriage.

And the stabbing pain in my chest has returned, as if it had never left to begin with.