Creativity.

Nothing profound or fancy. Just thoughts.

I honestly don't know what it is, but lately I've had this huge burst of creative energy, and I don't even know where to begin to use it. All I want to do is paint and draw and write and play the piano and play the guitar and compose and sew and CREATE. It's been so long since I've done any of the aforementioned activities, and I don't know what I should do first. This energy is building up, and it's only a matter of time before it gets out of control.

My problem? I can't seem to bring myself to gain the courage to start any of these activities again. I've mentioned before, I'm so intimidated. I have these desires and urges to go out and create and share these things with the world, and then I see others, get scared, and become discouraged. It makes me not want to even make any kind of attempt. I know it's really irrational to let talented individuals get the better of me and hold me back, but it's something I've struggled with for so long, and something that's very difficult for me to overcome.

I wish I could write as well as her. I wish I could paint and use a camera the way she can. Why can't I play the guitar the way he does with such ease? I want to play the piano the way they can. I know it's all about "Practice! Practice! Practice!" and determination and everything else, and I know that I'm the one who is in charge with expanding my talents. However, my irrational fear and frightened mindset seems to have this ever present hold on me, and I can't seem to shake it's firm grasp.

And here it is that I am stuck, conflicted, and angry. Not with anyone that has caused intimidation upon my self conscious, rather with myself. This pent up creative energy and this intimidation and discouragement seem to be battling inside of me, for lack of a better term, and I can't seem to make the outcome of this internal conflict.