With the New Year comes taking out the trash.

You know what, this is ridiculous. This ongoing silence between us is pointless, and I'm so sick of it. You're so used to having your way all the time, but that's all you've ever known, isn't it? You were born into wealth, your mother and father bending at your will, every boy falling into your trance, giving you whatever you want. Even when it's a bigger diamond. All the mistakes you made before have been able to be fixed by your father's plastic or a new boy for a project. But not this time. I honestly don't know how Eric found out, but why don't you ask him instead of me, because he does know. It's not my fault you cheated on your fiance with a married man and then broke off your engagement. You're going to feel so foolish once you learn the truth. Since you've sought my advice so often before, here's a thought from me to you, on the house: Know all your facts before you make such serious accusations and make a complete and total ass out of yourself. How selfish and arrogant of you, to call me and scream those words at me, without even giving me the chance to defend or explain myself. Especially when you are completely out of line and wrongly accusing me of doing something I obviously did not do. Maybe you should have just chilled the fuck down before you did, and really thought about it instead of jumping to conclusions. You are so self absorbed, and you have absolutely no regard for anyones feelings besides your own. Did you really think this "fairy tale" of yours you've been living in recently was going to last forever? You had to have known this was bound to happen sooner or later.

Obviously, this friendship never meant that much to you, since when I tried to offer my advice and stop you from making decisions you knew were not for your well being, you brushed me aside, and when I reached out and attempted to "fix" this situation so to speak, I was completely disregarded. But I guess that's how it's always been, hasn't it You get angry and upset at me and make a huge scene, I consistently attempt to make things right, until you finally forgive me and we go on our merry way. You know what? I'm so done with your bullshit. I'm the only one who ever made an effort in this friendship, and I'm the only one who ever fully supported you when you had to make those extremely challenging decisions. I guess that means nothing to you. Obviously, this friendship was just using me as another ploy to get what you want, and I'm sick of being your pawn. I never said a word about us being in an argument of sorts, let alone that you cheated on Eric with David. But if you have no trust in me anymore, then it's clear you never had any trust in me to begin with.

Pull your head out of your ass, because IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. Don't you dare blame me for your actions and the consequences that come with. I tried to warn you before it was too late, but I can't keep babying you anymore. It's time for you to grow up and take responsibility for your own decisions.

Here's a little piece of literature that you may be familiar with, seeing as you wrote it, although I made my revisions to better suit the situation at hand:

How dare you do what you did, screaming at me over the phone and acting so childish and irrationally when I did nothing to deserve it. I really hope that it was worth it. And you're right, we probably will never be friends again, but know that this friendship didn't end on my doing.

So this is the New Year, and I have no resolutions.

I’ve never really believed in New Years resolutions. Why wait until the very beginning of a new year to make goals and plans to better yourself? You can start “resolutions” at anytime of the year. I also never understood the idea that if you slip up and break the resolution, then all is lost, and you are no longer able to try. A resolution isn’t something that is definite, it’s a goal. If you accidentally smoke that cigarette, or if you (God forbid!) eat something with sugar, not all hope is lost. It was a mistake, and there will be many more, but that doesn’t mean you should completely give up all together.

After thinking about things for the past couple of weeks or so, though, I’ve decided that, no, I have no resolutions, but I do have some goals that I would like to work toward. “Goal” has a more positive connotation than “resolution.” And if I make a mistake, the least I can do is put it behind me and keep working until I reach these goals.

Tis the Season.

I looked down at her left hand, as a glimmer of light caught my eye. I gingerly took her hand and admired the ring on her finger. "Are YOU engaged?" She laughed, and then told me the story of how her and her fiance met. I hadn't seen or spoken to Shannon St. Claire for years, and yet we spoke as if we had always been the best of friends and met on a daily basis. It was nice to catch up on everything. I could see the sparkle in her eye and hear the excitement in her voice. "The wedding's in June, at the Brown Hotel!" I congratulated her and embraced her with a large hug. The conversation led into how everyone is getting married this time of year ("Tis the season!" she chipped in)- I've been to three wedding receptions with in the past two weeks, my sister is engaged, another sister is well on her way, a friend of mine is engaged, and everyone else and my aunt seem to be flaunting a ring on her finger and a man by her side. Just another reminder of how lonely I am, or at least how lonely I've become.

I returned home from work, exhausted. Holiday shoppers don't seem to understand the toll they take on retail employees. I felt dirty, I had so much that needed to be done, yet I was unable to muster any energy to complete these tedious tasks that lay ahead of me. I decided that I may as well spend a bit of time on the computer, just to catch up on what I had missed. My facebook home page hadn't even been loaded for ten seconds when my eyes fell upon this:

Travis Schneider My best friend is getting married in two days.. WOW! How the years keep flying. Congrats Johnathon and Erin, I hope the best for you. I love you guys! 15 seconds ago

I stared in disbelief at the screen, speechless, breathless, my mind clouded with all thoughts of sorts. After what seemed like hours of staring, I closed the computer, got up, and walked to the bathroom. I need to get myself clean. I stepped into the shower, turned on the water, and fell to the porcelain floor of the tub, curled up, tears streaming down my face, trying to catch my breath, while the scalding water beat on my back. I wasn't trying to get myself clean. I was attempting to wash him away.

We ended not even four months ago, and now he's getting married in two days, and didn't even have the decency to tell me. I guess it really is the season of marriage.

And the stabbing pain in my chest has returned, as if it had never left to begin with.